Sexual energy

[juu]

This is a very complex trap for a lot of people. Including me.. Even though I’m more aware of things, I still have to fight daily with dark energy, I’m still very dirty with it, but I’m not giving up… Dark energy needs to stop existing.

I’m going to focus in the sexual energy, as it is one of the more complex traps beings have to fight in this property. Well, for most it is not fighting but enjoying it… they are still not aware of the trap.. But either way, it is dark energy, even if it is seducing and if make us feel “nice” in some way.

Why do I consider sexual energy, dark energy?
Because, sexual energy is power. What attracts you from this energy, is the power you have to cause pleasure in someone. And if you add the physical feeling.. Well, you can say it is the perfect trap.

My whole life I had a hard time with sex, growing up was hard for me, because it was so hard for me to feel comfortable around this energy.. Of course back then, I didn’t see it as I do know… It was hard, because all of my friends did it, and they were so good at it, that I just keep wondering, what is wrong with me? Why is it so hard for me to feel comfortable with having sex with women?

There was a time, not too long ago, lets say 8 years, where I began to “change”, i began to feel more comfortable around dark energy… Like I was the jackal again (This is how I call my analogue. That dark bastard.. haha)

I was always really shy around women and crowds… It was like I was born awaken.. Because since small kid everything costed me twice as the rest… I was always scare, always having nightmares, social interactions where extremely difficult for me, I had this sense of goodness, but this world seem to attack more this kind of perception.. kids tend to attack good kids..

My whole life I was with psychologists, since very little…… There was something “wrong” with me… They even was a moment, where they said I needed to be in medication.. But luckily my mom didn’t let them.. This property was really scary for me..

but, As I was saying, 8 - 9 years ago, things began to change… I was more comfortable with this kind of dark energy. I was able to begin to be more intimate with women… (I was always treated as a “loser”.. because women always have liked me.. but I was never able to do something about it… so much discomfort) Social environments began to be more easy for me… partying, alcohol, even drugs… I was becoming someone “acceptable” in this world.. In how you are supposed to behave… It was like darkness finally could get me, since they´ve been trying since I was little…

Even though I was more comfortable.. I was never fully comfortable with sex.. Always had some kind of trouble… I hated myself for that.. why am I so weird? Why I can’t be normal and just embrace this sexual energy fully and loose myself in it? Well, now I understand why… Because it is dark energy…
It stills haunts me.. Don’t know If I ever will be able to fully let it go… Im more aware now of this… but still, I got a long way to fully heal… because, as much as people say it is wonderful, this lust… It is a burden for me now… And once it is gone… I will feel lighter..

Im now in another city.. with some family I never knew… and my cousin is gay.. really great guy, I have nothing against that… but, talking to him.. makes me understand how gay men handle this sexual dark energy. And it is so scary.. because as he says.. It is two men.. two same ways of perceiving lust… they are very very sexual… and he also claims they have this sort of power in wich they can have sex with any man, even straight men. Because they know how to move really comfortable in this energy, they know it is all about power, they know how men are always thinking about sex, they know how to play or manipulate men in order to make them believe they have power over them, when it is the other way around… So much darkness I perceive in this.. that makes me wonder.. Are gay men just beings who are really trap in this dark energy, in this trap.. or are they just darks? Im not judging in any way… I think any being can do whatever the hell they want, as long as they are not doing any kind of harm, not even subtle, but as I say, I wonder..

Also, makes me wonder, who invented this dark energy?

Sorry, if I got little carried away.. I didn’t intended to be this post so long… but now is too late.. haha

Take care my friends

[LeeDee]

, juu

I read your post carefully (and all of your previous ones, too) and slowly

hmmm .... hmmm ... I don't think youl'll get many feedbacks as this certainly is a theme lots of people touches is one or another way but on the other hand is still pretty delicate and ones' they do have problems with it are not willing to discuss the matter what so ever ... neither will I make a great post , just a short sum of my personal attitude toward the matter ... (most of us had or have some or big issues regarding partneship or/and sexual relationships) ...

I would say ... you are right and ... you are not right. Once again you over-generalize things and that bothers me a bit as you noticed already before. Btw, I've got female avatar in this incarnation, so ... let's just say I'll give my own female perspective on this subject. I'm not young anymore and I have been observing women-men ralationships (I'll let homosexual relations aside as in some parts yes, they do differ, but yet again ... not all of them) all my life, I was in a way fixated to idea I'll understand them eventually ... Do I now? Not really, I guess. But it becomes easier when you finally accept the fact that ... we are different and that it's perfectly fine and ok that we differ and that I wouldn't even want us to be similar ...We have to take into consideration the fact that from the biological point of view we are "made" different and so people (especially men) still mainly react to their drive and biological necessity (also for reproduction - even though maily on subconscious levels). And yes, all of it are just programms, even to reproduce. And yes, they can be influenced. This is one thing, I guess ... the other is sexual energy as such. You are right, a really poweful one and could be in "wrong hands" manipulative, misuseed, destructive . Can be taught. And in combination with above mentioned "biological matters" a perfect tool to make troubles, make pain, misery, get power...
But I do not believe it is "wrong" as such. It's just misused. And there is a difference. It is you that can misuse it or it is you that can simply use it or convert it to some other form ... right, it is difficult if one is under influence, but once awareness comes, you get a chance to fight that influence and start making a change, a tiny bit but ... it's a change .

I will not get any further, not now, especially as you are very hurt and affected to this theme. You'll need lots of healing, but what you can do it to start cnaging your focus, your perspecticve to this matter. As from what I "see" there are two major heavy influence and people's reaction to them ... one is excessive, over-expression and the implementation of the sexual s notion (impact) ... the other is suppression of sexual desire ... non of the mentioned is "good". Both behaviour and conduct hurt both ... a subject and an object ...

[alc]

Hi to all
Juu i guess this topic it is important for many of us feel same or similar to u.
My personal view of this shit is that it is huge trap here, i feel same problem as yours form begining of this avatar and frustrations were and still are coming from it till the point that i think of very bad things for example on one side this energy producing porn imaginations in my head (i know it is not me but still sometimes i am indentifies myself with it) on another side carries me till the point of frustration even to think on suicide.
I am struggling to solve this problem and till now no proper result even with persons i really love from so called deepest core of my heart and who at least till some point understands me ... it is still too much hiss or noise there so it would not be love as should be even if we both want and have love to share.
After all it is only energy used by darks to manipulate us but still at same time i guess it is most pure and penetrating energy if goes through heart (pure heart) and it is so near to love actually lust is only other side of same coin of love i guess so to make harmony we need to accept it in pure way i guess but (yes it is this f... but always in between...) who has heart so pure? many people are not affected by it but still probbably we were so much hurt when we loved someone with open pure inocent heart that now we have this problems to solve which are looks like huge mountain in our way (at leaast for me) another problem is that it is difficult (if not impossible) to find person who we trust, specially who understand us and will not hurt us so we can start to live love (actually transformed lust- this is what we need to do). I guess also all cleanings which Frank and other Protoi do are of huge help but after all we need to do steps noone can doit for us, how? i don't know i am still trying in all possible ways but till now i didint found permanent solution
about homosexuality i guess this is only deeper level of same trap and sure it is artificially brought here by darks because if u see history u will always found it there only last years is spread worldwide with huge propaganda (like pride parties etc.) and not to speak about subliminal propaganda specially in movies news cartoons etc.
But still if we would be aware and if all shit would be removed from us i guess we would not have this problems.

when u find solution please let me know

[LeeDee]

when u find solution please let me know

You will find it yourself , I belive in you.
You know it yourself that I can "feel" and from what I feel from you post ... you know a song from a Queen, I felt every word of it in you - programmes, influences, bad experiences ... you've been hurt, you hurt sb, blame, quilt ... fear ... and the result ... damaged heart. Yes, fear of "too much love" ... isn't that ironic?

"Too Much Love Will Kill You"

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long

I feel like no one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster 'cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you every time

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now all I ever do is bring you down

How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose?
No, there's no making sense of it
Every way I go I'm bound to lose

Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all.
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you every time

Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end...
In the end.

[alc]

I belive in you.

probbably u are only fool here around ...

but i know ur love is best healing tool here...




nice song... from something must die too better from too much love than none ...

[LeeDee]

No, no ... don't be silly ... you misunderstood me and why I put down this song ...
It's of no use "to die of love", that is nonsense ... as is the same nonsense "to die for love - meaning for one you think you love" ... illusions, influences, egoism ... not love.
When love is really Love, there is no pain, no sorrow, no need for dying ... then, only then ... you will know ... Until then ... she is not the one or you and/or she are under too many influences to make it work ...

Yeah ... I sound very tough and heartless ... but ... I exeprienced too much pain also and only recently started to look at the matter with more objective eyes ... and when I write I write also for myself ...

[juu]

LeeDee:

Thank you for your answer, you somehow have a way of pointing things exactly the way they need too.. Im begining to like you very much haha
You are very sweet too..
Yes, I know I tend to over-generalize.. and it is my mistake ... but... In this topic I think Im ok with the gerneralization... as Im not able yet to find a man wich is not affected at least a bit with this energy, but yes.. in very unique way..

I know all I need is time.. Im certain that as time passes and healings star to make effect in this level, I will be free from this... even right now it affects me, I can say that with awareness you can make the firsts steps.. I must carry a lot of shit from past.. but it is dissolving little by little.. and im really glad for that

Alc:

I know exactly what you mean.. it affects me that way too... and somehow, you and LeeDee ended up talking about love and partnership.. I didnt saw it that way.. but now I do.. I guess when you find the true one wich can complete you and satisfy you in every way.. this sexual energy can find a balance, and you can enjoy it too.. but, until then, we must wait..