Thoughts on suicide

You'll find here older, partially or totally outdated posts from active or inactive members.
the hague

Thoughts on suicide

Unread postby the hague » 06 Dec 2015 11:42

Suicide, I will not do it for sure. However even all dark religión and supposedly light people say "don't do it" but it seems that all wonders and thing that really matter are happenig outside of this 3D avatar body( stupid one, my, no yours ) and world, then what's so wrong. Anyway something inside me tell me it's not right; Don't worry. :naughty:
TenSuns

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby TenSuns » 21 Feb 2016 11:51

the hague wrote: Anyway something inside me tell me it's not right...


Honestly... I don't get it!
If someone is awake enough to see this brutal reality of life inside notorious prison - full of neverending stories of pain and suffering, why would be so wrong to make conscious choice to leave this realm like Socrates did!?! :cool:

I tried to find about this topic (suicide) on this forum - but had no luck :snooty:

I wish our Protoi could give us some answer... :confusion-helpsos:
Ribo
Posts: 194
Joined: 26 Nov 2015 01:44
Location: Germany

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Ribo » 21 Feb 2016 12:41

I once had the suicide thing too i lied on the ground took the knife and put it on my chest where my heart is, i touched my chest with the knife and it hurt a little and then suddenly i laughed at myself, ok i didnt laugh but it looked like a joke what i was doing, so i instantly stood up, put the knife back to the kitchen before my mom comes back from work. I acted like it never happened.

This experience is like 8 years ago or something like that.
Rosebelle
Posts: 3594
Joined: 05 Dec 2012 02:41

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Rosebelle » 21 Feb 2016 12:42

why do u suddenly think about this out of billions of possibilities? :confusion-questionmarks:
User avatar
Δύναμις
Posts: 2636
Joined: 04 Dec 2012 23:07

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Δύναμις » 21 Feb 2016 12:42

TenSuns wrote:I wish our Protoi could give us some answer... :confusion-helpsos:


Are you looking for good ways to commit suicide or what exactly is here the question?

Being incarnated here is suicidal enough, what's the point to get rid of the avatar? Do you really think it could change anything? NO!

Socrates didn't commit suicide, but he complied with the laws. He was found guilty and sentenced to death. He had to drink the poison. You can't count this as suicide. He was claiming that we need to follow the laws/rules and he acted accordingly.

EVERYTHING around suicide is DARK! Dark as dark can be. Does this answer your question?

The only exception I would make is in case of severe illnesses. You don't kill the person, you free it from the unbearable pains. I count this as help and not as a crime. Pain is the dark torture system. Better let people go if there is no way to heal them and make their life be worth living it.
User avatar
Δύναμις
Posts: 2636
Joined: 04 Dec 2012 23:07

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Δύναμις » 21 Feb 2016 12:46

Ribo wrote:I once had the suicide thing too i lied on the ground took the knife and put it on my chest where my heart is, i touched my chest with the knife and it hurt a little and then suddenly i laughed at myself, ok i didnt laugh but it looked like a joke what i was doing, so i instantly stood up, put the knife back to the kitchen before my mom comes back from work. I acted like it never happened.

This experience is like 8 years ago or something like that.


Yes, this is what happens when the connection to your higher parts is working properly. They give you a "kick" and you realize how stupid and useless it was what you tried to do.
Dark influences may trigger some stupid ideas in you, I understand that, but lights also know instinctively that they shouldn't give in. :handgestures-thumbup:
TenSuns

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby TenSuns » 21 Feb 2016 13:50

Δύναμις wrote:
EVERYTHING around suicide is DARK! Dark as dark can be. Does this answer your question?


Actually not.
Take my life for instance. For first 15 years of my life I was abused by my neurotic mother. I’ve been beaten up almost every day of my childhood for no reason.
Even when the physical stuff has healed, there are still all the memories of what happened.
But bear with me for a bit. That's just the first part of the story.
When I was 16 I left - actually I ran away from this torture and I started to study theology. Reason: when I was around 13 y I discovered meditation. And during one session I was visited by Being of Light. I saw it with my inner eye and that being was telling me this: "You are not guilty. That is not reason your mum is abusing you."
I was in tears for hours.
Since then I had searched for that presence, I believed I was visited by some angel... (I forgot to tell you I was raised in christian religion).
But very soon I realized how false was that chatolic religion, how hypocrite those people actually were - so I left.

As an adult I married my ex-wife, had a beautiful son (he's now 21!) and after 10 years we divorced. (Yeah, it was the most painful experience as adult!)
Later I had another relationship - it lasted 8 years and after that we split because she insisted even if I had no idea why we should - still have no clue to be honest!

Soon after i lost my job and had an idea to come back home, to try to heal my relationship with my parents, help them as much as I can.

BUT here comes the other part of my story:
Very soon I realized NOTHING has changed back home. My mother still hates me ( she cannot torture me anymore physically tho) but now all I have is a couch in living room where I sleep when everybody else goes to bed - and every morning around 6 my mother comes and starts her daily routine - and wakes me up.
For last over 3 years a had no privacy, no freedom - just same old crap I had as a child - except THEN i had my room!!!

So, please, tell me this: If you were me, if you had no job (no money!), no "freedom", and you felt like you live in paradox world where you were brought back to the start of your hellish childhood - would you agree to live last 15 years of your life in same misery like you lived your first 15 years!?!?
And would you not think about EXIT this prison inside A PRISON when you are aware every day more and more that better future isn't coming for you anytime soon!??

(P.S. Alex, I mentioned Socrates because that hemlock poison he had - and I remember the story how conscious he was till the last second of his life. The point was to be totally aware when you leave this world)
LeeDee

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby LeeDee » 21 Feb 2016 14:38

Really gloomy theme, but ok ... why hide from it. Suicide or suicidal thought are not really one basket case and I don't think you can discuss it on average point of view. All that is in common is, like Alex said, D shit, but from where it comes or what role it has, that differeciates a lot. There are many who are with the attempts of suicide just looking for attention and those are maily rescued, some can get under such severe D influence that they do it withouth their own conscious decision and some just simply can not take "the pain and reality" anymore. And even regarding that that can take as mayn forms as you can imagine.
I am not ashame to said it, but I myself was in extreme depresion and suicidal tendeny for at least 15 years in a row and in years after occasionally (btw, as soon as I wrote this sentence great emotional pain arose and ... yes, who would have thought so, severe pain in my head ... as of course I triggered much things and much blocked emotions). It all started somewhere around 11 years old, when bad things (meaning D influences etc.) escaleted. And believe it or nor, it was the day that I got my first period triggered something huge (like it was many years later when I had my first sexual intercourse when sth. even greater "took me over" - it was the day my extreme insomnia took place). Yes ... that was the time my everyday headaches began ... And it wasn't just me, it was my whole family. They all "changed" they fell under such influence (but not the same one) I didn't even recognise them anymore and I started to fear them when those influences took them over. And me being "too sensitive" ... that became too much for me to handle. I knew nothing, I understood nothing and at the same time I knew everything and had nowhere to escape, to run. I was tortured every single day - to not be mistaken, I don't mean that in 3d terms. From the outside, everything seem more than ok. I also became a master of disguise, so no one even knew ever what was going on inside me and behind four walls. To make an example for you to see how influenced a person can be - it was a moment once when I was laying on the bathroom floor and screaming of pain and my mother entered, saw her own child in the worse state possible and ... simply she stepped over me, took the water she needed and left the bathroom ... as though she didn't see me at all ...
I'm not sure whether this depression was direct D influence (as it differed a lot from the depression that wanted to grab me in the last years from now and the - this one I can handle as I do not feel it as mine, I feel it directly as an artificial influence and I can easily send it away) ... just ... you've got to understand something ... it was not that I wanted to die (I did not) ... I just couldn't live like that anymore ... But ... I'm still here ... Why? ... I'm not really sure. All I know is that it was a day to day struggle with who I am and who I was being forced to become ... every single minute of the day ... for years ... But I guess what saved me was the fact that back then I had some "connection" with my "higher self" (all that was lost when a chapter with my ex-housband and another packege of D sh ... started ...) and I talked to myself on regular basis. Slowly I started to realise some things about me (becoming aware of who I really am) and depression didn't had so much influence over me anymore ... but as I said ... a next chapter was already written for me ... :confusion-seeingstars:

I wrote that just to add some claritiy about how "influences" may also work and how everything is/was programmed in advance and how everything is connected ... but at the end it didn't came out exactly in that tone ... sorry. Maybe I should rather start with that other chapter :lol: :laughing-rolling: ... but no, that would be read like a bad sci-fi - horror - drama- comedy hollywood movie :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: ...

Thank you for your attention. The theme is not really opened for discussion, except in urgent cases :-D .

Love you :romance-grouphug:
LeeDee

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby LeeDee » 21 Feb 2016 15:03

TenSuns wrote:
Soon after i lost my job and had an idea to come back home, to try to heal my relationship with my parents, help them as much as I can.




my opinion, my perspective ... that idea was just one of the D influenced ideas ... To heal relationship with anybody? What for? For who? Why? If you see that a realtionships is doing you bad, causing you ... step out of this realtionship ... doesn't matter whether is with your mother/father/sibling ... if not ... all you'll get is more D shit ... YOU, yes you'll get it ... you will not solve anything as you can't ... as long as you and them are under too much influence and other D programmes ... it's like you try boil a good soup with rotten vegetables ...

Your attitude toward your family you can "heal" only with yourself. They can heal theirs with themselves.
Later ... maybe ... you can put up all new kind of relationship ... if there will be an interest from both sides ... if not ... not ... The relationship with your familly is NOT you.

It can be done. Not easy, but can. I struggled myself with this "mother-daughter" relation pretty bad ... guilt, guilt, guilt ... that was all there was ... no love ... nothing ... Thank you very much for that kind of relationship. I stepped out. The infleunces didn't go away, mother and her thoughs and emotions are still one of the no.1 triggers, but now I can confirm ... war and cleanings are really making progress :text-+1: ... she is still "dirty", but not as nearly as she was back then ... I'm also not so polluted anymore etc. ...
We will never be in a "normal" mother-daughter relationship anymore as I have no interest anymore nor I want one again. I dont even think there will be any other kind of relationship with her as ... we are simply just too different .... have nothing in common ... so why? But ... never say never ... they say ...

All I wrote is just my experience and my opinion on a concrete matter. That doesn't mean I detest family relationships and similar - I do have 3 children, you know ... They can be the strongest and most beautiful of all ... just ... not necessary and not in all cases ... and certainly not for the cost of loosing "you" and who you are ... Here certainly you can use the sentence ... Love yourself (as right now, you don't) ...

:romance-caress: :romance-grouphug:
User avatar
Δύναμις
Posts: 2636
Joined: 04 Dec 2012 23:07

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Δύναμις » 21 Feb 2016 15:49

TenSuns wrote: I’ve been beaten up almost every day of my childhood for no reason.


Me too and even as teenager, it was mainly my father but sometimes also my mother. I escaped from home when I was 18 because I knew that the police won't be able to bring me back to my parents if I don't want to. :happy-smileyflower:

Why do you think that your own past is different than ours? ALL of us had similar problems, we all have been confronted with darkness the one or the other way, BUT we survived for one reason: TO STOP DARKNESS!!! If you get this point, you will see your own past with different eyes. You were not the bad one, you were always the good one and this is why you should have nasty times. Nothing personal though, nothing against your human avatar. It doesn't diminish the pain you had to take, but it explains WHY. It is important to know that it was no way your fault and you got that hint right when you needed (the vision you had). The being you saw was your higher part, trying to help you. What you "saw" was an adaption to what you can understand, means the appearance of what you saw is not important. It would have probably been more scaring for you to see yourself as he really is (belts and wagons and so on). :text-lol:

After LeeDee's great posts I hope you can see things a bit differently. She is absolutely right when she writes that you can't heal any relationship. And it is not your problem what your parents do anyway. Get rid of that thinking, you are old enough and able to see the truth. Detach from everything that gives you pain, incl. your mother, and go your own way. What society expects you to do is not necessarily the right thing to do. Change your perspective, see things as they are, make a clean cut and go on. You are not responsible for your parents!

Yes, Socrates was till the last moment fully aware of what he was doing, but as I said he was complying with the rules of the city. This has nothing to do with a "regular" suicide = escape from this world.

What would be your justification in case of "suicide"? Cowardliness... you can only change things for the better if you are here. If you chose to leave means you were not good enough to cope with the problems and find a way to help yourself and all the others that depend upon you.

Trust me, the next half century will be a better one :angelic-green:

:romance-grouphug:
Oni
Posts: 263
Joined: 24 Dec 2015 17:57

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Oni » 22 Feb 2016 05:27

Here's to sticking around :obscene-drinkingcheers:
astrochimp

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby astrochimp » 26 Feb 2016 04:04

I've thought about it many times, as recently as a few years ago. Growing up seemed like a battle of dodging the fists and knives of numerous bullies and random hooligans. All the while, trying to climb out of it all doesn't even feel like an option! The little voices in my head said: "You're worthless! Don't even try! No one even cares! You're nothing! Everyone hates you!" Then there was the fear... since childhood: fear of the dark, fear of the unknown, fear of talking to someone, etc. This kind of thing tends of build up a shell around a person and that's exactly what happened.

But I'm still here! I'm still here and I'm starting to look outside through the cracks in my shell (~1% communication established). I'm learning to make mistakes without telling myself it's a bad thing and I'm a bad person for it.

I remember how I initially got trapped. When I was around 11 or 12 years old, I really liked a girl and I told her but she laughed in my face. I then remember going out and feeling sad and thinking how "sweet" this sadness was and that at least I had it to console me...

What a load of horse poo! :laughing-rolling: :text-lol:
juu

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby juu » 27 Feb 2016 06:42

"I remember going out and feeling sad and thinking how "sweet" this sadness was and that at least I had it to console me"

I can relate.. Just before i found this forum, i was lost in this kindda state... I was going deep inside my sorrow, my nostalgia, sadness.. And truly enjoy them.. Finding beauty and confort in them...

Now i know this is also dark energy.. And emotional influence.. Darks not only attack vía fear, pain, etc.. They can be subtle too..

:romance-grouphug:
User avatar
Δύναμις
Posts: 2636
Joined: 04 Dec 2012 23:07

Re: My sweetest taboo ( or not )

Unread postby Δύναμις » 27 Feb 2016 11:11

juu wrote:I can relate.. Just before i found this forum, i was lost in this kindda state... I was going deep inside my sorrow, my nostalgia, sadness.. And truly enjoy them.. Finding beauty and confort in them...

Now i know this is also dark energy.. And emotional influence.. Darks not only attack vía fear, pain, etc.. They can be subtle too..

:romance-grouphug:


:text-goodpost: :text-+1:

Return to “Archive”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests