1. Judgments are often unstated appreciation towards ourselves. For example: I get might get angry at a teacher for giving the same speech, speaking in a monotone, being robotic. I get stuck in this place and sometimes for an entire session I can be caught up in my head. In reality, I am really just happy that I am not those things. So it’s as easy as acknowledging that I am (or prefer to be) spontaneous, divergent, different and that I like that I like to be those things. Just the act of expressing this towards myself is enough to completely end the negative judgment loop in my own head. Next time you are angry / resentful / judgmental at someone or some place or something, try it ! Imagine the opposite and acknowledge how thankful you are to be that.
2. Boundaries are vital to our well being. We are not supposed to get along with everyone. We are not supposed to ‘be’ like anyone else. We are not supposed to be any one thing, period. Know these things so well that you can stand up to others with healthy boundaries that allow you to be yourself without being impinged upon. If someone is treating you like crap, remove that person from your life. The idea that we have to stay in a situation if it is hurting us is not true. It is a dark axiom that toxically proliferates this property. Partner, friend or family, it doesn’t matter: give people ultimatums and if they fail to meet your standards, then be very clear that they are not and distance yourself from them. Boundaries are healthy. You’re allowed to be a strong, independent, assured as a being (even if everything else tells you not to be).
3. You have no responsibility to another’s happiness. This does not mean to treat other people badly. It just means that you cannot save others from themselves. For the majority of my life, I’ve been caught in the ‘saving’ cycle where I think I need to tailor myself so that others feel comfortable / safe / happy. This is a trap. There is literally no end to it. The truth is, if someone wants to burn, then they will. There's not much you or anyone else can do about it. And better you step outside the co-dependant cycle now, rather than stick around and burn down with it. This is admittedly easier said than done. Especially for us empaths, it is viciously difficult to detach from other people’s feelings. But this is genuinely one of the most important skills we can learn here: feel other people’s emotions / disposition, empathize / relate to it as much as you can, offer that to them, then detach yourself. It is not to your benefit (or theirs) to hang on and make sure they get through their pain and / or suffering.
4. There is a fine line between challenge and destruction. We are told that life is to be uncomfortable / stressful / forceful. This is the world they want you to live in. This is the world we do live in, to be honest. But that being said, you don’t have to put yourself in situations that are over-stretching. They will do you more harm than good. Instead, appreciate comfort when it comes and basque in the glory of slowness when it’s there. Of course, there are countless situations that get thrown at us that are inherently difficult … some even ridiculously so (this is Eartha after all). In these moments, a crucial skill is admitting when enough is enough -- when it's simply too much. This looks like boundaries a lot of time (see above). I’ll be the first to admit, it can be terrifying making a firm stand for yourself, especially in the face of force and destruction. But that is why we are all here: we made a stand against something that has run its course; that has chosen destruction; that has crashed many. Remember the bigger picture. Remember your age. Remember that this fight ends here. We can do this — and you definitely don’t need to go down with it.
5. Always ask for help. You’re not in this alone. We are all here to support you. When something is too much and you don’t know what to do, reach out -- use others. It’s a novel concept, having people that actually care. But it’s something that shouldn't be novel at all: we are made to connect and to be there for each other. Use this forum as a tool and surround yourself with people in your life who actually care about you : the ones who in the most difficult time will be there; the ones who will never turn away. You are amazing and you deserve the most amazing people around you. Always.
These are all powerful axioms from my own experience. Some may work for you and others may not. We truly are all unique (and that’s the beauty of it). I also want to acknowledge the fact that there are countless reasons why any one of these may not fit right. None of this is easy (we’re doing our best to change that). That said, there are inevitably things that will work for you and your own being. I hope that this might have illuminated some for you or perhaps, ignited a flame towards that place of understanding.
What would you add to the list ?
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But I wonder how is this OIC related...?
Frank wrote:Great post Oni!
But I wonder how is this OIC related...?
Thank you ! These are all things I learned on my journey through OIC (mainstream spirituality, etc) that I actually feel are helpful (and have really helped me)
EDIT: updated title for clarity
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